How to Rewrite Your Story to be Wild and Free

What if the key to true inner freedom is not in changing your circumstances, but in transforming your internal narrative? Join Andrea as she courageously opens up about her personal journey from a life overshadowed by a persistent death wish to one illuminated by learning and love.

Resilience and the unyielding human spirit, reminding us all that true freedom is not just a possibility—it is a presence, waiting to be noticed and embraced. Listen in to learn how you, too, can unlock this boundless freedom within.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

hey, there it's Andrea, and I want to welcome you to the Friday session of Calm we Daily today. I sat this morning with sort of this question in my heart of what is, if I had one thing left to share with you, what is the most valuable thing that I could write and talk about today? For me, that answer is what is true inner freedom, and why has it driven me all my life? So I'm going to kind of go into a little bit of the weeds that I walked through right as a teenager who desperately, yet quietly, wanted to not live, and yet all I wanted was to live, live big, live boldly, live radically. I thought well, I thought of and wished for my end nearly every day for eight years, from the ages of about 14 to 22. Years from the ages of about 14 to 22. And I did my best I really did my best to hurry the death wish, and yet this wild radical force coexisted inside of me. That that kept the balance.

Speaker 1: 1:17

School was good for me in so many ways. I thrived on learning and knowing. Studying wasn't my jam, and I'll explain the difference as I see it in a moment. Learning was, though, and so it's not a subtle difference between these two. Learning is about embodiment. Learning was full-bodied experience, whereas studying was mental gymnastics to memorize facts and information, and the observer in me was always present. From an early age and it was always on high alert. I had an excellent memory and recall which I eroded over the years through a lot of partying.

Speaker 1: 2:06

This consistent desire to die, to leave this world, finally left me at around age 22. I went through a lot of years, a few attempts on my life in my teen years and just some self-harm. So I had this constant desire to die. And because I kept learning, because that pushed me forward, learning embodiment, accessing the intuitive nature, it finally overrode or re-scripted the death wish program that I was carrying. I knew I was light. I knew I was light. Love pulsed through all of my wirings. I leaned into those things. I leaned into them even as parts of me danced with a lot of shadow, wrapped in booze and pot. I never paused learning, though, through any of that, not for one breath. And it took until I was 38 for the downshifting of the party life. I didn't think my way out of getting drunk or high, it just happened. All I can say is that these things stopped working for me. There was no more euphoria from them and my resting state was higher and vaster than where those things took me and it pissed me off. It pissed me off because I was in a world that made no sense to me and yet it did right identity. These memories of this fun clouded my enjoyment of the more neutral and naturally relaxed Andrea. It took years to stop resisting the gift of groundlessness and to lean into it. I didn't.

Speaker 1: 3:44

I didn't want to die as a young person because my home life was bad. In fact, my family was so loving and supportive. They were young when I was born and they worked really hard. They loved generously and they encouraged my wild dreams, though not my unskillful choices. I remember a friend came over to spend the weekend and my mom needed us to help in the garden and my friend. This was shocking to her and she said she'd kill herself if she had parents like mine. And when she came again in the winter to visit and my folks wouldn't let us drive through this massive blizzard to go hang out with some guy she wanted to meet, she said the same thing again she couldn't imagine that their love was a lifeline for me.

Speaker 1: 4:35

The thing to remember is I wasn't always depressed, but I did wish to die. The death wish, as I've discovered, is a program, and so when I deleted that program from within me, something happened. So why am I telling you this? Basically, it's just to share that writing the calm way wasn't a random thing. It's the way I know how to let you know true freedom really is possible, no matter what programs are running inside of you. It was always present for me, waiting for me to notice, to make room for it, to give it a drawer in my dresser, a shelf in the cabinet, right Until one day I noticed it filled me. The calm way filled me, and yet it takes no space. It's the lightest thing in life and it waits patiently for each of us. It's what we are underneath the programs and lenses that we've accepted or chosen. It's the innate, the primordial, it's the pulse and presence of life, and so that's what I want to share with you right now, today.

Speaker 1: 5:49

I hope you are well and that you enjoy life, no matter what, and know that you too can delete the old codes, you can let them go. They are programs running inside of you. They were there for a reason, for you to explore and if you're ready to release them. It is as simple, though not always easy, as settling into your field, settling into yourself, acknowledging them and saying I delete whatever thing from my life. I like to add across every timeline, lifetime, realm and dimension. This is how I approach it. You can do whatever language works for you, but just know that the power is within you and the way, calm way, is always there, waiting for you, because it is truly what is underneath. So have a beautiful, beautiful day and I will talk to you again real soon.